Dirty talk for beginners: this is how it works

The brain is a woman’s most important pleasure organ after the clitoris, says research. Unfortunately, you can’t turn your sweetheart’s brain on with your dexterity – but you can with your tongue. Of course only in a figurative sense. In fact, you can ignite a woman’s lust with words alone. In a Men’s Health survey that asked women between the ages of 20 and 30 about their preferences, 92 percent said they were into dirty talk.

How to lose the fear of dirty talk?

Understandably, many men are afraid of the phrase: “Talk dirty to me” – if it even comes at all. Because what excites us men can be a minefield with women. If our sweetheart says to us: “Ramming your big dick in me”, that is pretty sure to make us hot and her wish is our wordless command. But if you ask her “Shall I ram my big cock into you?”this may turn her off rather than arouse her.

For some men, the fear of what to say and what not to say goes so far that it has a name: sexual communication anxiety (SCA). A US study from Cleveland State University found that this fear has a lot to do with self-esteem. The more confident you are in bed, the easier it is for you to let off steam verbally, too.

The good news: you can work on sexual confidence. How? By:

  • Talking more about sex with your partner. For example, ask her about her wishes and preferences or about what she likes less in bed. By the way: The more you communicate in everyday life, the easier it is for you to talk about sex.
  • Talk dirty more. It sounds paradoxical: you have to talk dirty in order to talk dirty. But it is really that simple. For example, the more often you say the word “fuck” during sex, the more confident you feel about using it. Dirty talk is like a foreign language. You need to practice to become a pro at making raunchy small talk.

What are the most common dirty talk mistakes?

Most men who like to try their hand at dirty talk make 3 common mistakes:

  • they start too abruptly and take the woman by surprise.
  • they use few vulgar words like “fuck”, “slut”, “cock” and “pussy”.
  • they do not adapt the dirty talk to the situation.

To get a woman hot with dirty talk, he must be able to stimulate her imagination. And: If the woman is not yet really hot, vulgar language can stop her desire.

How to start dirty talk?

You feel like talking dirty in bed and you don’t know yet how to go about it? Here are 6 rules that will help you get started with dirty talk in bed.

Rule #1: Start with harmless conversations

Not every woman wants to be aroused in the same way in bed. That’s why it’s easiest to talk about dirty talk before you start using it. If you don’t want to talk directly to your partner, you can ask, for example, “I’ve heard that some women don’t like dirty talk during sex. Is that true?”. This is how you open a conversation without sounding reproachful, but you can hear out how she herself feels about the matter.

Rule #2: Sexy text messages make it easier to get started

The invention of the smartphone is a blessing in many ways. First and foremost, because it makes it much easier to prepare for dirty talk. Many people find it easier to text dirty instead of saying it directly to their partner’s face. When sexting, it is not enough to type single vulgar words. You need a little more imagination. For example, “Do you remember the last time we took a bubble bath together” works well?”.

Rule #3: Start slow and let her take the lead

Through conversations or sexting you already have a feeling if your sweetheart is into dirty talk. Now you can take it a step further. Don’t start with the dirtiest vocabulary words. For example, say phrases like, “I’m sure no one in the world has skin as soft as yours” or “I can’t wait to feel your skin against mine”.

Pay attention to your partner’s reactions at all times. Understand verbal (she starts talking dirty to you) and nonverbal cues. If she seeks your closeness and breathes more intensely, that’s a good sign. If she reacts tense and anxious, you should shift down a gear and ask how she is doing.

Rule #4: Watch the tone of dirty talk

The hardest part about dirty talk is the fact that it’s not just what you say, but how you say it. It’s important that even in the heat of the moment you make sure that you don’t speak with too much emphasis, but see it as a game and speak in an appropriate tone.

If you do overstep the mark in the heat of the moment, you can solve the faux pas by making a joke and saying, “Sorry. I went too far? You’re just so sexy that I can’t think straight.”. This usually gets things out of the way quickly and humor never hurt a bedtime story.

Rule #5: Use descriptions and adjectives

If you are not sure what to say, just describe what is happening. Use adjectives like “hot”, “tight” or “wet”. For example, “It feels good to be so tight and deep inside you. You’re so hot” or “You’re moving so sexy, I can hardly hold back”.

Rule #6: Never boss her around

Unless you’ve role-played it or your partner is okay with it, you should never boss her around, insult her, or ask her to perform certain sexual acts. There is, in fact, a fine line between dirty talk and demeaning language. You should never use words like “slut” or “whore” unless your lover directly asks you to do so.

Conclusion: Dirty talk stimulates the imagination

Dirty talk turns most women on. The important thing is that you use words to stimulate her imagination or boost her self-confidence. If you can’t get anything out during sex, you should at least moan softly before you stay dead silent. By the way, there is no shame in dirty talk if you miss a sentence. Because it’s great to laugh about – and that’s absolutely desired!

Joshua Foster
Sex toy user for 5 years and blogger
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pamperedpassions.com
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