Online dating – How to be more successful!

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Tinder, Badoo, Lovoo, Jaumo or rather what to tie, such as Parship, LoveScout24 or Elitepartner? The choice of finding social happiness via partner exchanges and online dating apps is diverse. Whether it’s for quick sex, falling in love or a committed partnership – we show you which platforms are reputable and give you 6 tips on how to significantly increase your chance of finding a date.

For whom is online dating worthwhile at all? 

It’s worth it for all those who are single and looking. This is the great advantage of online dating: there are no misunderstandings like “Oh, so you have a boyfriend, okay, too bad”. All are here because they want to get to know someone.  

Online dating is especially good for those who want to expand their possibilities. Because the search via the Internet offers a special opportunity compared to classic dating: you meet people whom you would otherwise probably never have met at work, in education, in your circle of friends or in your favorite club, says Eric Hegmann, couples counselor, Parship coach and author (“respectively: The book for more love”, Knaur TB, at 10 euros). Plus: You can filter in advance, by (common) interests, profession, age.  

Nowadays, many people know at least one couple who met online. The fact that online dating is becoming more and more attractive is also revealed by the statistics: The number of memberships in online dating exchanges in Germany increased 14-fold between 2003 and 2017. More than 135 million people now have a profile with one or more providers. “9 out of 10 singles are looking for a partner or relationship online,” says Hegmann.

Online dating also offers shy people the following advantage: the hurdle to making contact is significantly lower than in a club, for example. You simply type a few nice words to your object of desire. In addition: after each sentence you have time to think about what you want to say next. And if the person doesn’t answer, you move on to the next one. This is all less grueling than having to read the direct reaction of your place value in the facial expressions of the other person at the bar.

Important: See the non-interest less as a basket and more as an experience value. It is better than if the person is only half-interested in you. At the latest at the first analog meeting it can then become unpleasantly tough. If you still have doubts or are unsure, Hegmann advises you to take one step at a time: “See online dating as an opportunity to make new contacts in the first place. After all, falling in love usually happens in person.”

What are the most important platforms and what you should look out for? 

Online dating can be roughly divided into dating services (singles exchanges) and dating agencies. Both directions offer apps, so that the search is also conveniently possible via the smartphone. As the name suggests: dating offers tend to be non-committal in their orientation. The singles there are mostly younger and let it come to them what happens, so Hegmann. Everyone contacts everyone here. Dating agencies, on the other hand, target singles who explicitly want a relationship. They often use personality tests to match customers with a suitable partner.  

The Bavarian consumer advice center has discovered fake profiles on 187 out of 316 selected portals. How can you protect yourself from this? The portals must actually state the work with the fake profiles in the general terms and conditions (GTC) or terms of use. A look at the terms and conditions is therefore worthwhile. The list of portals and some of their common phrases indicating fake profiles, can be found here. Negative primarily single exchanges for flings or sex contacts stand out. None of the tested portals are represented.

It should also be noted: How easy it is for portals to delete your profile when you no longer need it? Do they encrypt your data and to what extent do they pass on your data to third parties? In a recent study of 22 apps with a sole focus on data protection Stiftung Warentest comes to the conclusion: 20 dating apps send more user data than actually necessary. Among them Tinder, Grindr, Badoo and ElitePartner.

What is important in online dating?  

This varies depending on the platform and the contacts: do you want non-committal flirting or are you looking for something more lasting? But that doesn’t mean you have to choose: “There’s nothing wrong with using both Tinder and Parship,” says Hegmann. More important, he says, is to actually be open to new encounters.  

Everything you should know about singles in Germany

Tip: If you are frustrated by unsuccessful dates, it is better to take a break than to date even more. Helpful in such a situation: Take a look at your own patterns in getting to know each other. The dynamics in relationships are also helpful: many singles complain they always end up with the wrong people, says Hegmann. “But they choose them themselves. Anyone who has this impression should check their prey pattern when choosing a partner: Do I always want those who don’t want me and I’m not interested in those who do want me? Then unconscious strategies of commitment anxiety and fear of loss can sabotage the partner search.” 

Unfortunately, such behaviors rarely go away on their own. One way out: With professional help, such as from singles coaches, you can change your own attachment behavior.

What is especially important to women in online dating?

Appearance alone is not enough. “Women see the whole package,” says Hegmann. Either they like it or they don’t. Especially too much focus on the exterior quickly comes across as conceited, in the sense of: The guy is obviously only concerned with himself!  

Studies also show that spelling and good manners score points. So, remember that in the 21. So, remember that in the 21st century there is still upper case as well as lower case. In addition: Women like naturally funny types. Hegmann: “Everyone wants a humorous partner – but that’s a yardstick. Namely, how much two people have in common. Humor is not a competition about the frequency of jokes.” 

Tip: Take a look at the profiles of your fellow sexes and try out what works well for them. And then: let your female friends tell you what they find good. “You’ll be surprised how differently men and women evaluate attractiveness,” says Hegmann. Also important: After you’ve gone all out, with presenting your assets and mass of interests: Remember that your future partner should get the impression that there is room in your life for a woman and a relationship.

6 insider tips on how to give man a better chance 

1. Looks are key: If you have the option, “try to have the profile picture taken by a professional photographer,” advises Horst Wenzel, singles coach and founder of the Flirt University. The profile picture is the first impression, and it counts in the online world, too. Sometimes even more than in the analogue world. But: Do not overdo it with Photoshop.  

Expert Tip: Instead of making a decision about the profile picture as a loner, ask your friends. They often know better than you do which picture you look most likeable in.  

2. Mix it up: upload a mix of pictures on your profile. But that doesn’t mean 10 different pictures of your world trip. “Less is more when it comes to travel pictures,” advises Wenzel. There’s so much of that on profiles that you won’t knock anyone’s socks off with them. The same applies to beach pictures or selfies from cliffs.   

Mixing here means: different emotions. According to Wenzel, many people only upload pictures of themselves laughing. This quickly creates the impression that you are an over-excited joker. Others only offer pictures of themselves looking thoughtful in a thinker’s pose – but how exciting is a melancholic as a partner? And no, the classic 2 male facial expressions, sober and drunk, are not emotions, but states. Therefore: show that you have different emotional states. This way the woman knows: he is empathetic, he can understand my range of emotions.  

3. Offer topics of conversation: Like? Either through the choice of pictures. If you have a hobby that is not soccer and drinking with the boys. Or by the points in your profile. But don’t bore the other person with: “I watch series, like to cook, have a drink on the weekend”. Do you also like to sleep? Such sentences are the equivalent of standard cover letters: People read over them because they’re dull. Be creative. 

Example: You play rugby. A picture of you and your dislocated shoulder is a good conversation opener for the other person. In addition: Pictures or points in the profile offer a prima incentive for undertakings, says Wenzel. Because online, too, there’s the problem of attraction. Should the object of desire suck something from the finger to write you something clever? Then she looks perhaps rather directly at the next profile. Better: Make her an offer she can not refuse. Offer her something unusual as an opportunity to contact you.

4. Announcement of the venture: Don’t ask if she would be interested in doing something with you. She is generally interested in you – otherwise she would not have written to you. This means: Do not ask for permission to do something with her. Instead, make an announcement. Write: I would like to go to a rugby match with you one day. Or a little smaller: I would like to go out for a beer with you, would that suit you tomorrow? This is a good serve, you can hardly go wrong with it.

Plus: Let her get a taste of your life: so don’t just stay in one place. Walk around with her. If you move around, Wenzel says, you increase the chance of touching and becoming closer.

But: “Making an announcement” doesn’t mean being rude or brash! Express clear interest in a how and the what of doing something together with her, but remain a gentleman.   

5. Change the app: “The 3-day wait-and-see rule before replying? Outdated,” says Wenzel. If you have a match, you should stoke the fire while it burns. Nowadays, with so many swipe options, the fire goes out even faster than you think. After 3 days there is hardly anything left of the first enthusiasm. Or a competitor has already extended the invitation to the beer.

This is how you can counter this development, says Wenzel: 

  1. Respond quickly.
  2. If the other person signals basic interest, then make a date clear. 
  3. For further planning, give her your phone number and then switch to Whatsapp, Threema, Telegram, etc.

This change of communication apps has an important psychological advantage: you are no longer in the environment of direct competition. Instead, you appear to her between friends and family – and have become a little closer to each other through this alone. 

6. Stay authentic: “Be yourself the kind person you want as a partner,” advises Eric Hegmann. Sounds simple, but it’s hard. Everyone wants a partner with whom one can have the feeling: With him life would be fun also in 5, 10 and in 15 years! That means: Show optimism, make plans and undertakings together. Be committed and reliable – and don’t just think about yourself.

Conclusion: Have the courage

Online dating is becoming more and more popular. People have less time and digital dating works great from the couch. Of course some black sheep always try to make fast money. However, the well-known providers are almost risk-free to use. Follow our tips and advice to have fun and success with digital dating.

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Sex toy user for 5 years and blogger
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