The 13 worst no go’s on a first date

No Go #1: Touching

No matter how cheeky her buds may be, they’re going to push up against your blouse and push in your direction: Don’t let your hands invade the buxom lady’s territory. Firstly, the rejection could be quite painful and secondly, you will have nothing to look forward to. The same goes for all other parts of the beauty’s body. Hands off until she gives the starting signal for the manual pampering program.

No Go #2: Too much alcohol 

Fact: Alcohol is the most popular way to give up control. But like everywhere else, it all comes down to dosage. Because what you experience while intoxicated usually bears little relation to sober reality. A minimum of communication and sanity should therefore remain present. If you drink, then in moderation. Because there’s still a difference between loosening up and wanting to strip with the waitress on the bar.

No Go #3: Beer flag

Even if it is the men’s drink number one: beer belongs in the skat round or in front of the TV. Because the women you are into are not into beer flags at all. What woman would want to venture into the lion’s den when the smell of half-digested beer is already hitting her at the gate?

No Go #4: Burping & Co. 

Your new acquaintance had better not find out on the first evening that you are in the Guinness Book of Records for the loudest burp. So practice body control: Suppress all body eruptions – or just go “around the corner.

No Go #5: Biting your fingernails

Is something you haven’t done since kindergarten. If you are already excited, then rather hold yourself by the hands: put them loosely over each other, this looks sovereign and relaxed. Still nervous? Then you consider times besides, which you must make still for the next tax return.

No Go #6: Car keys

You don’t really want to park your car key on the counter. No one will jump at that anymore. And if you drive a Porsche: be happy and enjoy in silence. Your data will still admire the beautiful playmobile enough when you drive them home or just for a cappuccino to Milano.

No Go #7: Mobile phone

That you are a much desired man, you know by the number of daily calls. Show the lady of your heart that you can afford to be unavailable by switching off your cell phone. Because the mailbox finally plays your personal secretary 24 hours a day.

No Go #8: Garlic

You like hearty, spicy cuisine? And it only tastes really good when the cook stirs in the garlic cloves with the scoop? No problem. Then please pack an oxygen mask for your new flame. Because a plume of garlic is not exactly what you should plant as a sign of conquest on the summit of pleasure. You might starve to death already at the base camp.

No Go #9: Bad breath

Before the big evening, brush your teeth – and to celebrate the day, all of them. By the way: When did your teeth last see dental floss? Finally, give them a shot of mouthwash, so you’re guaranteed to be kiss-fresh.

No Go #10: Talk

You have something to say, but so do they. So you’d better listen and size up the new girl without revealing too much about yourself. Because how never do you get so cheap information. And you can still make it clear to the little one where you’re going when you’re sitting with her in the apartment “for a coffee.

No Go #11: Sweat

If you had to go to the gym to cool your cap before the date, it’s only understandable. But for the sweetie, you should not only get fit, but also fresh. Full body wash is the order of the day. And a tasty perfume increases your appeal to the nose of the beautiful one. She’ll find out soon enough that you’re otherwise just sitting in front of the TV in your underwear and enjoying the World Cup and beer to the fullest.

No Go #12: Pocket billiards

What should the sweetie think? That you need it? So keep your hands off your pants. Rather wash yourself thoroughly before, so that nothing itches afterwards. And get your hormones in order at home, so that you can stay cool in the bar, even when it gets hot. And in case you’ve picked up such a hot bitch that you’re already getting really upset while having a drink, have a drink and think about the last defeat of your soccer club. It’s sure to get your pulse back to normal beats.

No Go #13: (Bad) Jokes

Of course you should be witty and bubbling over with wit when you address the lady at the bar. But please keep your taste above the waistline. Everything else belongs in the skat round or on the joke page of Playboy.

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Sex toy user for 5 years and blogger
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